


shattered beliefs

by orphan_account



Category: Dream SMP Roleplay, Video Blogging RPF, dreamteam SMP, mcyt
Genre: M/M, Multi, Other, you looked for this.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29180532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: this is not a fic, please dont come here thinking it is. its a vent piece.
Relationships: Jschlatt/TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade/Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo/Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo/TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo/Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot/Technoblade/TommyInnit/Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot/TommyInnit
Comments: 9
Kudos: 79





	shattered beliefs

**Author's Note:**

> this is not a fic, please dont come here thinking it is. its a vent piece.

shattered beliefs.

the first of which was that people were nice. nice to each other, nice to animals, nice to me. my father broke all three of those unspoken expectations. the last one absolutely shattered in that tiny closet i was trapped in. the second when my grandfather killed a dog right in front of me. the first when i saw my mother hit my dad so hard he almost fell.

the second of which was that sexual predators are 35 year old men on the internet. predators on the internet, predators i was too smart to be hurt by, predators that could only hurt me by touching. my father taught me those three, but they all shattered in that tiny closet i was trapped in.

the third of which was that people deal with trauma in normal ways. normal ways like going to therapy, talking to someone right after, grounding routines. but as it turns out, we dont deal with trauma in a normal way. we write fucked up fiction, we get imaginary friends, we get weird characters haunting us with paranoia and eyes on the walls and everything but what you would see as normal.

the root of trauma is shattered belief, something happening that broke how we saw the world at the time. that closet broke me, shattered me, traumatized me. but im slowly taping back my sense of safety. i can go to the store with bubble gum in my mouth and a pink sweater on holding my stuffed animal and buy new beliefs. ones that wont break me.

im seeing a therapist, im trying to get help, this is how i cope. i write, i vent, and i get the fucked up thoughts out of my head. i dont understand how you think i enjoy this, like im proud of myself for thinking of and reading and writing these fucked up things.

this is a letter, this is why i do it, my beliefs of right and wrong are so shattered that i cant even pick up the shards.

i dont know.

people who hate the problematic community feel free to leave hate comments telling me to kill myself. maybe i'll do it, who knows.


End file.
